I always hated looking at old photographs because even though there’s that small, moment where those memories make you feel all warm inside, so warm inside that you convince yourself that you can almost feel that experience of happiness again.
But inevitably there’s that crash back to reality, that realisation that you could look and look at that old photograph and long and long for it to be a part of your today and still, that moment of happiness wouldn’t be here right now, it wouldn’t be your present. It would still just be a moment of happiness that you had. One that you will never have again. Happiness is transient, made up of elements which existed at a time, those elements which made us feel all warm inside, which we labelled as…happiness. Those elements change constantly, there won’t ever be a moment again where all of those elements collide again to form a present happiness. One element which is constantly changing is us, I’m a different person now to who I was when that photograph was taken. My expectations of love may be different, my mental state might be different, my perception might be different so even if those elements were to collide in the way that they did in my past, It would not give me the same feeling of happiness because I am different, my perception of that experience would be different. It wouldn’t be the happiness that I was so desperately clutching at. It does us no good then to hold on to a past happiness, to grasp at a happiness we won’t ever experience again, at least not in a way that’s anything close to the fullness of reality. So, instead of looking at old photographs and attempting to grasp at past happiness, I’d rather put all my energy into experiencing the moment I’m in right now. The elements which exist right now, the ones that I don’t have to wish for or grasp at because they exist right now and the me that is experiencing them won’t ever exist in the same way again. I’d rather relish in that experience, the one I’m having presently, weather ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – just to sit with it, not label it but just sit with that reality, breathe it in and be with it. Ps. So, I lied a little, I love to look at old photographs but the point I wanted to make was that there’s no use in trying to grasp at the past, by all means reminisce on past experiences but just don’t grasp. In doing that you rob yourself of the fullness of the moment right now and become the very source of your own disappointment. Don’t grasp, Stay present. All my love Mayfair x
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