It goes without saying that breakups are highly emotional experiences, for even the most thick-skinned of us; involving many tears, plenty of anger and lots of confusion. But none the less, they are experiences. So, after I got past the initial breakup stage – perhaps the most fragile, I decided that this experience had cost me too to not learn something from it. I’d cried too many nights, endured too much breaking, too many moments where it felt like the ground beneath me was falling, too many days which felt more like lifetimes – not to take all I could from this experience, to not grow from it. I think we often ignore the fact that experiences themselves do not make us better – in fact they can make us bitter, it’s rather the reflection of these experiences that holds the potential for us to get better, wiser. By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. ~ Confucius Let me make it clear that when I talk about reflection, I am not talking about asking what you could have done differently but asking what you can do differently based on what you now know. Notice how the former question is based on the past, something which would do you no good to reflect on since you cannot change it whilst the former focuses on the future. It is a question that reflects a commitment to your growth – what can I do differently? Looking at the past, not for the sake of it but for the sake of who you want to be. Its really easy after a breakup to look at what the other person did so wrong, why you deserve better, how badly they messed up, how they weren’t that great anyway – and whilst for a while I admittedly went through this process, I had to ask myself what the point was of focusing on the flaws in someone that was no longer in my life at the expense of looking at the flaws in my own life; the only person I am guaranteed to live with forever. So, I guess with that – in a commitment to always being open and honest with you all in the hope that you learn something from me baring my flaws in all of their blood and beauty, I will share with you one of the major reflections I came to from my breakup, which is this: I had prioritised my relationship and this ideal of being a wife above God. And I cannot express to you how much of a hard but honest conclusion this was for me to come to and it would probably require more words than this blog post would allow for me to fully explain. But I will say that perhaps it happens more easily than we think. I didn’t even realise I had it in me to love a person as much as I loved him, on some days it felt as though my heart beat only for him, we were best friends. And whilst this is beautiful; it wasn’t as beautiful as the love, the life I had in Christ, but on some days, I forgot this. On some days I forgot that whilst his arms may have held me, the hands of the invisible God had formed me. That whilst the boys’ words made my heart melt, the breath of God made it beat. And I finally saw what Moses meant when he said that God was jealous for us. God doesn’t want to be your Top God, he wants to be you only God. So, with that I make this vow to the man that God has for me: I will love you like I love myself. I will be your number one fan. I will listen with eagerness to every wild, dumb dream you have and commit to it as if it were my own. I will be your safe place in a cold world. But I will not, I will not find my worth hidden in your words of affirmation, I will find it in the Word of God. I will not spend more time with you than I do in the presence of my saviour. I will not find more joy at the thought of being your bride than I do the thought of being the bride of Christ. I will not put my relationship with you above my relationship with my first love. I will not make our relationship an idol. I hope you see the magic in reflecting on all experiences – good and bad; your growth depends on it.
All my love. Mayfair x
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